Monday, September 29, 2008

Please Speak My Language

The Five Love Language

Paraphrased from Gary Chapman’s* best selling book

You have been in a relationship where no matter what you did; the other person felt NEGLECTED? You’ve been told repeatedly that you are loved; yet inside you feel empty and separate? Did you wonder what you were doing wrong -- why you just couldn't effectively communicate your connection to someone?

Through his counseling, Gary Chapman has found that there are five main love languages:

  1. hearing words that affirm
  2. quality time spent together
  3. receiving gifts and tokens of caring
  4. having things done for you
  5. physical touch and connection

All of us need all five forms of love, but there is one (or perhaps two), that is our "primary language" and crucial to our feeling loved and cared for. If our partner does not speak to us in our "primary language”, we feel as if something is missing, and we feel unloved, even if they are speaking to us in their own "primary language." The other person may love us totally and completely, but we do not experience what they say or do as being loving toward us. The same is true for them -- we can show great love for them but if we are not using their "primary language", then they feel abandoned and unloved. Therefore, we need to learn to develop all five-love languages, especially those of our primary partner.

Your primary love language is evident in two ways: you speak it more often than the other languages, and you feel most loved when it is spoken to you. The languages are same whether you are a romantic partner, friend or parent.

(1) Words of Affirmation: Otherwise known as verbal appreciation, this love language applies when you need to hear, "I love you," as well as other words of appreciation, words of encouragement, praise, kindness and words that build you up. If you do not hear them, you don't feel loved. How does this work? When we emphasize the positive, it encourages other people to be more positive in return. For example, a wife may always seem to be asking her husband to do one thing or another (see Acts of Service below). For instance, she asks her husband to wash the cars but they do not seem to ever be washed. If she tells him how much she appreciates how hard he works, and makes a point of commenting just on his positive qualities, rather than repeating and repeating her request that he wash the cars, magic can happen if this is his primary language. Once he hears in his own language that she loves him, the cars are washed. Her affirming comments helped him find the energy and desire to do the job.

Other examples include:

  • Your spouse tells you how much his or her friends appreciate you.
  • Your friend says, "You really did a great job on that. I appreciate it!"
  • Your partner shares about a recent business success you had while talking to friends during a party.
  • Your friend compliments you on how well you handled a difficult situation or decision
  • Your boss tells you how pleased she is on the quality and progress you've made on a work project
to be continue...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

We're Blessed

As time passes by, there are many things I discover between me and my wife relationship , being a multicultural couple. As I mention before, one thing that enhance our relationship is keeping the moment, as a treasure to be discover day to day, in the morning before we do our schedules, since she go to office and I do my list, a sweet talk and sharing of concern and great Ideas over a cup of coffee and Pandesal (Bread ) is always fascinate me and my wife. We are so Blessed....

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Beauty and Blessing of our marriage

I was thinking before of writing the whole story about our marriage but again it will take a very long time,honestly speaking im not the kind of person who love to write actully it is one of my weaknessI love to read but to write i hvae to think twice on it, any way to make it more short just wanna jump from myday to day experience and that start today haha that very fast right since we started our marriage lifeway backin 1997 that 5 years after we got blessed in Seoul Korea Olympic stadium Wow what a marriage in an Olympic stadium ontop ofthat we are 30,000 couple all in all.Well enough of that.

Last month we just celebrated our...wait a second (counting finger) ha ha ha sorry I'm a little bit lost in counting our anniversary its our 16th year of marriage, thank God! sixteen years is not yet to boast ,but hey! look at our statistics I'm just glad that we one of those who have to face the real fight in relationship between husband and wife and of course its not that easy especially in this modern society our culture differences and besides temptation is every where, and how we do it it? basically a very simple that we do it every day, albeit without knowing it help us a lot and here it is:
our daily routine as husband and wife marriage by God is, we wake up each other with a kiss followed by a praise like , wake up beautiful girl and thank you, whoever woke up first. this is what we do every day it may sounds corny especially for the beginners but hey! its save our marriage and it keeps our relationship alive, ever since we started our married life tips will be followed