Thursday, October 16, 2008

My Wife Did a Better Choice

Me and my wife Terumi were blending two families from different culture but we had established certain rules for the children. One rule was that there is no internet games during school days.

One day Terumi came home from work to find me and my kids, playing together in front of the computer. I saw she was infuriated. but rather yelling at me. She called me papa can you come here please!

In the heat of a discussion, Its easy for us to say these firing words, "If you ever … then I'll …" (fill in the blanks). Or maybe one will say, "Don't you ever say (or do) that again or we have big problem." We rarely resolve anything when one or both partners act out of a threatening tune of our voice.

Terumi did Better Choice: She succeed by pulling me aside and simply asking for clarification. Did I forget? Did I change my mind? But the fact that I feel how she felt, and that very moment the only thing I can say is "Sorry Mama" You felt being betrayed by what I did, It will never happen again.... and I saw her face lighten up, and I give her a tight hug as we embrace each other

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Dealing with Childrens Uniqueness

Uniqueness of my children are the most rewarding thing that I can treasure always, many times I listen to a lots of parents saying that they love there sons and daughter equally, but I think, you can only provide their material needs equally, but the LOVE you have to deal it uniquely.

One of the typical example, when we come back from shopping for groceries, we always brought something for the kids, even simple things or toys, and of course since we have four kids, we always bought same toy for everyone. One thing that I notice, every time we arrive, kids raced to get the toys. I notice several different expression of love language, from my eldest which is 9 years old, he will jump up and down with joy while my second son, he will smile and say thanks and he will give you a big hug. My daughter which is 7 years old, after she gets the toy, she just want to tell you what is going on for her day. My youngest who is 4 I'm still in the process of knowing what kind of language he will express. With this experience I can say that we have a lot of things to learn from every child and so with our partners in life.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Let's be love language fluent

1. Words of Affirmation
Verbal expressions of love, gratitude, agreement, and appreciation can go a long way for someone whose primary love language is “Words of Affirmation.” According to, “Simple statements, such as, ‘You look great in that suit,’ are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.” The key here is that the person feels loved through verbal expression. To "affirm” is to confirm truth. Every time you validate your partner’s feelings, back them up in their stance, encourage or tell them how much you love and value them, you are speaking their love language.

If you aren’t great at giving compliments, look for qualities in your partner that you admire most. For example, if math isn’t your area of expertise, but your partner is a whiz, try saying something like, “It’s amazing how great you are with people. I didn't know you have such talent! ” It may seem obvious, but for someone who values words of affirmation, you are speaking directly to their heart. Written words work just as well, so leaving a little love in the form of a note, letter, text message or email can warm their heart.

A less obvious approach is by speaking positively about them when they is not present. Words have a funny way of getting around, so hearing how highly someone was praised through a third party can feel especially encouraging.

If words of affirmation is the love language of the man in your life, he will be sensitive to verbal criticism, so go easy on the fighting words.

to be continued...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

How fluent are you In Love Languages?

Knowing which of the five love languages your partner responds to, be fluent. You could be pouring on the verbal compliments, but if physical touch is the language they best understand, they may feel neglected, while you feel irritated.

Friday, October 3, 2008


Acts of Service: This is when you do things for the one you love - things that take planning, time, effort and energy. This could be mowing the lawn, building a house, keeping the house clean, folding the laundry, and washing the car. You may need to ask what it is you can do for us because not all acts of service count the same - your doing my taxes may mean a whole lot more to me than your doing the dishes. Even if we do not need that particular act of service at that moment in time, we will feel loved because you offered. The act has to be unconditional: "If you do this for me then I'll do this for you” is not an act of love. You must do these acts of service out of kindness, not obligation, and without expecting anything in return for it to be truly a language of love.
Other examples:
Your spouse takes the time to fill out the long complicated applications that you had hoped to get to this evening.
Your spouse volunteers to do a job around the house that is typically your job.
Your spouse brings you breakfast in bed.
Your coworker picks up your documents from the printer even though it is out of his way.
Your roommate pays to have a house cleaning service come and do spring-cleaning.
(5) Physical Touch: Physical touch is a basic human need. However, some of us need more of it than others to feel loved: a hug, a pat on the arm, a stroke on the cheek, a shoulder massage or our back scratched. Are they always reaching to hold your hand? Do they frequently put an arm around you? Do they stand physically close, maintain loving eye contact, rest a hand on your arm or leg? Do you find them sitting in the same room with you even if you are doing different activities - just breathing in the silence together? A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you just quietly hold them than offer any words of encouragement or advice. In a romantic relationship sex can be a critical part of this language, but we also need touches and caresses during our daily lives to let us know you cherish us.
Other examples include:
Your friend gives you a foot massage.
Your spouse makes a point to hug and kiss you before leaving the house.
Your partner stops and gives you a hug just because you are passing by him/her in the room.
Your coworker places her hand on your shoulder when congratulating you on your promotion.
Your soccer teammate massages the cramp out of your calf muscle for you during a time-out.

* Gary Chapman is the author of several books on The Five Languages of Love. (Northfield Publishing, Chicago, IL.) If you'd like to order the book, please go to his website: Dr. Gary Chapman love languages, languages of love, five love languages

Thursday, October 2, 2008

The Gift Giver and Reciever Language

The 5 Love Language

Paraphrased from Gary Chapman’s* best selling book

Receiving Gifts: Also known as visual or tangible symbols of love, does the person like to have surprise gifts that are totally unexpected? A personalized gift says that we cared enough to make the effort to bring pleasure to the other person. To be effective the gift must be something that will please the other person. You don't have to go out and spend a lot of money - we just need tangible little remembrances that you are thinking about us even when we are not with you. For example, a card, something you made, a carefully wrapped piece of fudge that you brought home from the office because someone brought it in to work for the group, and you remembered know how much I love fudge. It is especially affecting when the gift is something we have wanted, or is unique to one of our little quirks. You may need to give the gift with a bit of ceremony, so that we know you meant it as a token of love. The gift has to be unconditional with no strings attached, rather than a bargaining tool to get something you want in return.

Other examples include:

  • Your friend sends you something special through the mail just because it made them think of you.
  • Your spouse brings you home a surprise treat from the store.
  • Your partner surprises you with a membership to something you always wanted.
  • Your coworker gives you the gift of time, staying late to help you finish a project.
Your classmate brings extra pens to class knowing you usually forget yours.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Opportunity Provider

The 5 Love Language

Paraphrased from Gary Chapman’s* best selling book

Quality Time: Spending time listening, sharing, teaching, reading in the same room, trips, movies, games, etc. Does your partner always want your undivided attention? This language includes quality conversation -- not just being in the same physical space. Quality time means giving others your undivided attention, being available - looking into someone's eyes while you are speaking with them. It is about talking about things that are important, including one's core beliefs and emotions. For example, you go to a symphony concert with me because you know I enjoy going, and you want to share in something I enjoy - even when that kind of music is not your style.

Specific examples include:

  • Your spouse kidnaps you for lunch and takes you to your favorite restaurant.
  • Your friend invites you to go on a leisurely walk just to chat about things that are important to you.
  • Your partner plans a special night out for the two of you.
  • Your coworker tells you how upset he is about the changes happening in the company.
You and your house mate share stories about past hurts or embarrassing moments.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Please Speak My Language

The Five Love Language

Paraphrased from Gary Chapman’s* best selling book

You have been in a relationship where no matter what you did; the other person felt NEGLECTED? You’ve been told repeatedly that you are loved; yet inside you feel empty and separate? Did you wonder what you were doing wrong -- why you just couldn't effectively communicate your connection to someone?

Through his counseling, Gary Chapman has found that there are five main love languages:

  1. hearing words that affirm
  2. quality time spent together
  3. receiving gifts and tokens of caring
  4. having things done for you
  5. physical touch and connection

All of us need all five forms of love, but there is one (or perhaps two), that is our "primary language" and crucial to our feeling loved and cared for. If our partner does not speak to us in our "primary language”, we feel as if something is missing, and we feel unloved, even if they are speaking to us in their own "primary language." The other person may love us totally and completely, but we do not experience what they say or do as being loving toward us. The same is true for them -- we can show great love for them but if we are not using their "primary language", then they feel abandoned and unloved. Therefore, we need to learn to develop all five-love languages, especially those of our primary partner.

Your primary love language is evident in two ways: you speak it more often than the other languages, and you feel most loved when it is spoken to you. The languages are same whether you are a romantic partner, friend or parent.

(1) Words of Affirmation: Otherwise known as verbal appreciation, this love language applies when you need to hear, "I love you," as well as other words of appreciation, words of encouragement, praise, kindness and words that build you up. If you do not hear them, you don't feel loved. How does this work? When we emphasize the positive, it encourages other people to be more positive in return. For example, a wife may always seem to be asking her husband to do one thing or another (see Acts of Service below). For instance, she asks her husband to wash the cars but they do not seem to ever be washed. If she tells him how much she appreciates how hard he works, and makes a point of commenting just on his positive qualities, rather than repeating and repeating her request that he wash the cars, magic can happen if this is his primary language. Once he hears in his own language that she loves him, the cars are washed. Her affirming comments helped him find the energy and desire to do the job.

Other examples include:

  • Your spouse tells you how much his or her friends appreciate you.
  • Your friend says, "You really did a great job on that. I appreciate it!"
  • Your partner shares about a recent business success you had while talking to friends during a party.
  • Your friend compliments you on how well you handled a difficult situation or decision
  • Your boss tells you how pleased she is on the quality and progress you've made on a work project
to be continue...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

We're Blessed

As time passes by, there are many things I discover between me and my wife relationship , being a multicultural couple. As I mention before, one thing that enhance our relationship is keeping the moment, as a treasure to be discover day to day, in the morning before we do our schedules, since she go to office and I do my list, a sweet talk and sharing of concern and great Ideas over a cup of coffee and Pandesal (Bread ) is always fascinate me and my wife. We are so Blessed....

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Beauty and Blessing of our marriage

I was thinking before of writing the whole story about our marriage but again it will take a very long time,honestly speaking im not the kind of person who love to write actully it is one of my weaknessI love to read but to write i hvae to think twice on it, any way to make it more short just wanna jump from myday to day experience and that start today haha that very fast right since we started our marriage lifeway backin 1997 that 5 years after we got blessed in Seoul Korea Olympic stadium Wow what a marriage in an Olympic stadium ontop ofthat we are 30,000 couple all in all.Well enough of that.

Last month we just celebrated our...wait a second (counting finger) ha ha ha sorry I'm a little bit lost in counting our anniversary its our 16th year of marriage, thank God! sixteen years is not yet to boast ,but hey! look at our statistics I'm just glad that we one of those who have to face the real fight in relationship between husband and wife and of course its not that easy especially in this modern society our culture differences and besides temptation is every where, and how we do it it? basically a very simple that we do it every day, albeit without knowing it help us a lot and here it is:
our daily routine as husband and wife marriage by God is, we wake up each other with a kiss followed by a praise like , wake up beautiful girl and thank you, whoever woke up first. this is what we do every day it may sounds corny especially for the beginners but hey! its save our marriage and it keeps our relationship alive, ever since we started our married life tips will be followed

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


Many times people are awe, every time i mention to them that my wife is Japanese. and I guess you too, when you read this blog, anyway i will go ahead and apologized for some if not many grammatical error in this blog honestly, im just gonna write what pop's in my head. Well, i mention that our couple is multi-cultured, not only that we came from very different background but religious belief, she came from a Shintoism and i came from devoted Catholic by birth and who always lead the rosary in my hometown way back in Mangagoy Bislig, and on top of that historical you know what i mean.

I still recall my late grandma's story about her personal experience during the time of Japanese era in my country. Sorry i don't want to mention any derogatory word here i'm just trying to be civilized har har har. judge me not for this, by the way did i mention that my Lola before she passed away she told us that we can marry anybody except guess what? I will tell you later i know you are going to hate me for this but have to go...... see you