Friday, October 3, 2008


Acts of Service: This is when you do things for the one you love - things that take planning, time, effort and energy. This could be mowing the lawn, building a house, keeping the house clean, folding the laundry, and washing the car. You may need to ask what it is you can do for us because not all acts of service count the same - your doing my taxes may mean a whole lot more to me than your doing the dishes. Even if we do not need that particular act of service at that moment in time, we will feel loved because you offered. The act has to be unconditional: "If you do this for me then I'll do this for you” is not an act of love. You must do these acts of service out of kindness, not obligation, and without expecting anything in return for it to be truly a language of love.
Other examples:
Your spouse takes the time to fill out the long complicated applications that you had hoped to get to this evening.
Your spouse volunteers to do a job around the house that is typically your job.
Your spouse brings you breakfast in bed.
Your coworker picks up your documents from the printer even though it is out of his way.
Your roommate pays to have a house cleaning service come and do spring-cleaning.
(5) Physical Touch: Physical touch is a basic human need. However, some of us need more of it than others to feel loved: a hug, a pat on the arm, a stroke on the cheek, a shoulder massage or our back scratched. Are they always reaching to hold your hand? Do they frequently put an arm around you? Do they stand physically close, maintain loving eye contact, rest a hand on your arm or leg? Do you find them sitting in the same room with you even if you are doing different activities - just breathing in the silence together? A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you just quietly hold them than offer any words of encouragement or advice. In a romantic relationship sex can be a critical part of this language, but we also need touches and caresses during our daily lives to let us know you cherish us.
Other examples include:
Your friend gives you a foot massage.
Your spouse makes a point to hug and kiss you before leaving the house.
Your partner stops and gives you a hug just because you are passing by him/her in the room.
Your coworker places her hand on your shoulder when congratulating you on your promotion.
Your soccer teammate massages the cramp out of your calf muscle for you during a time-out.

* Gary Chapman is the author of several books on The Five Languages of Love. (Northfield Publishing, Chicago, IL.) If you'd like to order the book, please go to his website: Dr. Gary Chapman love languages, languages of love, five love languages

1 comment:

Jorlan said...

your topics really helpfull for the

Keep it up bro! :-)